Coping Skills For All
Written By: Heather Rolland, LCSW and Dr. Beata Lewis
Let me share a secret with you: everyone needs a robust collection of coping skills. It’s not just you. Everyone, including therapists, needs creative, interesting, or fun ways to manage the distressing aspects of life that we can’t avoid. Whether we’re trying to cope with emotional or physical symptoms, past trauma or present day work stress, we all have times in our lives when we need to rely upon an arsenal of strategies to not freak out, melt down, or fall apart. And all of us at some point get really fed up and burnt out by this effort. And that “meta” moment of needing a coping skill to deal with your frustration at needing a coping skill is also a universal human experience. We all reach our limit sometimes.
If you’re feeling burnt out with your current coping skills, read on – perhaps you’ll find something here you haven’t already tried that sounds like it’s got merit. If you’re in a great space with your current set of strategies, super! You can also read on and tuck away anything that sounds like a fun one to try on your next bad day.
If “write in a journal” makes you roll your eyes, you’re in good company. It’s suggested so often as to be a cliché. That doesn’t make it a bad idea; on the contrary, writing can be a fabulous way to process emotions. Writing long-hand with a pen on paper can be transformative. It can also be boring, repetitive, and give you writers’ cramp. Nevertheless I do have a journaling suggestion, with a twist: write a message to an elusive or frustrating part of yourself. Keep the message short, and ask an open-ended question – think text, not email. When you’re done, hand the pen or pencil to your nondominant hand and answer. Don’t think, just write. Let yourself converse in this way, handing the pen back and forth, for several exchanges. Don’t worry about how “bad” your handwriting will be. You’d be amazed at how quickly your nondominant hand figures out how to become legible.
Pay attention to what goes right, what you did well, and all the ways you were successful, no matter how small. If you are one of those people who walks into a room and instantly forgets why, notice and acknowledge every time you remember something. Negative thoughts tend to be “sticky” in our brains and noticing what we do right might feel awkward at first. Persevere! Noticing successes can be an excellent balance to the frustrations or disappointments other areas of life are serving up. In fact, try doing this a few times a day, during breaks in your work day or before meals or other natural transitions. Forgetfulness is my kryptonite, so I take those moments to list all the things I’ve remembered so far that day.
Along the same lines, notice the magical, sweet, awesome moments in life. Train your brain to stop and take note when you see something cool – in real life, if possible, but if online is your main window into the world, curate your feed to include moments of awe. Frost patterns or the perfection of a single snowflake, the lovely birdsong or the comical strut of a pigeon – let yourself stop, notice, and be charmed by what the world offers you. It won’t be long before you’re stalking – and finding – wonder in everyday life.
The New York Public Library offers free library cards to any resident of New York State. You can apply for a card on their website. And then you can download an app, and listen to audiobooks. All totally free. You can listen to self help books … or erotic literature. Chick lit, fantasy, cozy mysteries – consider trying a new genre. If you’ve never tried audiobooks, you might be surprised to discover how fun it is to listen to a book being read out loud… and how distracting and absorbing it can be.
Most of the music streaming apps (spotify, apple music, itunes etc) have playlists entitled “sleep” or “yoga” or other soothing and relaxing sounds. Youtube also offers these playlists free, but fair warning: the freebies do have advertisements in between tracks. If you’re stressed or anxious give one of these a try and see how it feels. Extra points if you can combine this with a hot bath.
Water in just about every form can be part of a coping strategy. Hot herbal tea or a nice cold glass of water can be a great soother. Let yourself slow down to the point where drinking your tea is all you’re doing. Wrap your hands around the mug and wrap your brain around the activity. Same goes for a glass of cold water on a hot day. A hot shower or bath can be a great way to symbolically remove the grime of the day – try a creative visualization focused on rinsing away whatever it is that’s on your mind. Water is central to washing dishes, wiping and scrubbing everything in your home that needs cleaning, and cleaning can be another wonderful symbolic activity to help you remove waste from your home and your life. Watering plants can be another symbol of nurturing and supporting your own growth. Sitting near moving water, be it a river, waterfall, creek or ocean can be mesmerizing. And being still near still water (yes, even a puddle!) may offer reflective time and space if you allow it.
Journey back to childhood for inspiration: coloring books and jigsaw puzzles can be fabulous for de-stressing. Some libraries offer puzzles, and most thrift shops carry them. Free coloring pages can be found online but would need to be printed out; most big retailers carry a range of coloring books, from simple pop culture themes to intricate mandalas.
I’ve tried to keep this list focused upon activities you can engage in without spending money, or involving other people. These are all things you can do at home, alone, for free. If you’re ready to branch out a bit and include either traveling away from your home, seeing people, or spending money, consider resources available in your neighborhood – a museum or botanical garden you’ve never explored, coffee with a friend, or a few hours in a part of the city you’ve never seen before. What would a tourist visiting your area do? What would you recommend to someone visiting your neighborhood for the first time? Be a tourist in your own hometown.
While these coping skills can help with life’s ups and downs, for the big stuff, consider bringing in the big guns: professional help. Yes, everyone has issues and everyone needs to use coping skills, but only you have lived your life, and there may well be parts of your story that deserve the support, guidance, and witnessing of a trained therapist. Despite life’s relentless challenges, healing can happen and things can get better.
Mind Body Seven clinicians offer treatment in Brooklyn and via teletherapy for adolescents and adults. If have not worked with us and want to get started please contact us here, so we can set you up with the clinicians that best suit your individual needs. If you are an existing patient get in touch with us here to set up your next appointment.
